Jan 24th I found out that I was pregnant. Jared and I were so excited. I have had one miscarriage before but this time it felt real. My pregnancy quickly changed my body. I could not go more then 30 min with out having a snack, I was peeing all the time and even though I was only 6 weeks my new cords I bought already did not fit. I was trying not to think about it to much because I just wanted my precious baby to grow and develop and have time pass quickly so I could share the news with our families. Two weeks after finding out I had a miracle of life forming in my body, I lost the baby. It was a crazy week as we were hit by ice storms and snow. The weather caused my appointments to cancel making it a long week of not knowing what was happening. This early into a pregnancy there is nothing the doctors can really do. I had seen the Doctor on Monday and then the storms hit monday night. They were able to test my blood but could not fit me into a sono. I went a week not knowing 100% sure if I did miscarry or have a threatened miscarriage. I knew deep in my heart that I did but I stayed somewhat hopeful.
For those of you who have miscarried before or lost a baby you know the pain and frustration I was feeling. I still have questions but slowly I am feeling healed emotionally. It's amazing the bond I felt just in the two weeks of finding out. I would google and see what size it was and of course started dreaming of whats yet to come.
I must admit I was a little angry with God. When you feel so frustrated you just want answers. This past Sunday I felt the total presence of my Lord with me. At the end of the sermon and then a very humbling song I was full of emotions. I was walking out of the service when a friend stopped me when I passed. She had know clue what had happened but she felt the Lord tug at her heart to pray for me. She said during the end of the service she started feeling the Lord tell her to pray. I obviously then told her what was going through my mind and how I felt like I was going through this on my own. The Lord knew he needed to call on one of his followers to assure me that He was with me. Since Sunday I have felt better. Like any loose it takes time but I am now 100% sure that the Lord is taking every step with me.
At the end of February I took off and went home for a week. The first weekend I helped my best friend move into her new home. It was so much fun and really good to spend the weekend with her. The rest of the week was full of rest and family. On the next weekend my mom, nephews and I made the trip to edmonton to stay with my sister. It was so good to spend time with my nephews and nieces. They are all getting so big fast and doing new things everyday. Since the weather was bitterly cold I started missing Texas quickly. -20 to -30's is not fun when you are taking kids in and out of cars and getting into stores. I was of course missing my hubby and Dakota. Each hurtle Jared and I have had to get over with each other makes our Love for each other that much more stronger. The Lord is faithful to us and we are thankful we serve a healing God.
I will not make and promises that I will post sooner but I will try my best to.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I know God uses these things for good and our growth, but I wish it could be done another way. I lived with a family in the summer I turned 18, and the woman had a miscarriage while I was there. It was heartbreaking. I can only imagine what you are going through. I will be praying for both you and Jared, and I hope you can find some support with other Christian women who have had miscarriages.
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